Lenses Worth the Risk

My glasses have been my signature, my trademark.  They have provided me with an ability to see with style, with flair, and have literally become one of the most immediate things people say about me, "Oh!  The girl with the glasses!"

My friends, it saddens me to admit this, but it is time to let them go.  Honestly, they no longer suit my needs.  They have become fragile, and honestly my vision has changed in the nine years I've had them.  I just realized these glasses were new when I met Jarrett and Diane, two people the Lord used to call me to himself, and now they are so frail, I must be careful how I put them on.  They're so darned cute and I don't want to let them go! But...

Any vision worth pursuing will demand sacrifice and risk.  You will be called upon to give up the actual good for the potential best.  You will find it necessary to leave what is comfortable and familiar in order to embrace what is uncomfortable and unfamiliar.  And all the while, you will be haunted by the fear that this thing you are investing so much of yourself in may not work out at all.  Andy Stanley, Visioneering, pg 125.

Thus is the case since the Lord literally invaded my life July 14, 2011. The first very clear shift in vision happened on a Thursday.  James had returned from the Center. There was an optimism in him, a change indeed, but I was beginning to see it was superficial. The intrinsic work had sadly not saturated his heart, the weeds were pushing through the pavement.  He was exhausting himself in an endless task list of to do's that would only set himself up for failure in his weariness.   He completed the course! All seemed well, but this Thursday came, and I felt convicted for the first time ever.  I discovered Mark Driscoll and boy did that clear my vision.

It's funny how it worked out, I heard his name tossed around the Village, so I you tubed him not expecting to find what I did, and my world was forever changed.  Understandably shaken to a truth I could not deny, I immediately began to think of ways to prepare.  I called a local food pantry and amazingly enough, got through and even secured the very last appointment they were taking for the day.  I knew money was about to get really tight. Never in my life had I been in a food pantry.  Let me tell you -- it is a humbling experience, and it was then that I lost it.  Literally lost it.  I think the lady across the counter in her white T-Shirt really wanted to hug me, feeling that need to help me.  I was broken.  Uncontrollably I wept, I knew then my world was about to be torn apart, the facades I had created would be torn down. 

I had to tell him he needed to move out.  I needed to see where he was, what kind of choices he would make when left to his own devices, without me to enable and mother him, and the passions of his heart would reveal themselves, as they do with any of us.  I had to get out of the way and let Jesus do his job.

My first direct lesson in waiting on the Lord's timing came with this revelation.  Yes, we could date, we could no longer live together, but I could not talk to him about it until it was time.  That came the following Sunday.  I had no idea what Chandler was preaching on, and it happened to be right on, which confirmed for me that this was the day.  What an example to set!  Everyone knew our intent to marry, why on earth would he move out now?  Whatsmore, my mother happened to pass by our church and asked if she could take Amelie home.  So.  Our conversation began in the car.



It was hard. It was scary.  I didn't like it, but I knew it must be done, and he agreed.  Needless to say, the choices set into motion that day would slowly reveal his passion was not for the Lord, but rather to remain in what was comfortable and familiar.


One month later, at a Starbucks, funny enough, I let him go in love. I had hoped, I desperately hoped we would reach the finish line together.   It is still my prayer that he would one day feel the difference between living a repeat of his life and becoming the man God intended him to be, with a legacy to follow him.  It wasn't his season to turn, turn, turn....

 Comfortable and familiar.  Let me tell you, it's a nice concept, because on that final day when I came home, and the last of his stuff was moved out -- the six bookshelves that lined one wall-- I felt completely and utterly alone, defeated, and terrified.

 No longer was there anyone to distract me from myself and ultimately, my walk with the Lord.  Me and Jesus.  That marked the beginning of a time when I learned the hard way:  When Jesus is all you have, Jesus is all you need.  No foolin'.


But you see, without the risk of letting James go, and going through that stage of going to the Lord for my every need, yes indeed, even to the literal penny, this faith would not have grown so bountifully and never would I have been prepared to accept the most beautiful risk that now sits upon my feet, the sweet deliverance of my heart's desire,  seed planted and nurtured by the very one who will fully redeem it.

Now I know why this song, Greater Things by Ghost Ship stuck with me months ago "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city. "  Oh how sweet and precious these words are to me.

 Amelie and I are being sent to Rome for a two week vision trip.

But more on that later.